Expressing affection on Valentine's Day isn't necessarily about giving a heart-shaped box of chocolates, presenting roses, or dining at costly restaurants, say relationship authorities. Instead, therapists advocate that partners who seek closeness and deeper connections ought to focus on frequent, routine demonstrations of love that acknowledge what truly matters to their counterparts.
Romantic expression varies greatly among individuals. Some may cherish physical expressions such as hand-holding, opening a door for their loved one, or preparing a bath, while others might appreciate a humorous text message, a coffee served in bed, or assistance with mundane chores. According to Traci Lee, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Dallas, showing ongoing kindness and attentiveness in small ways creates a foundation for relationships to grow and mature.
"Establishing positive habits early on in the relationship—whatever form romance takes for the partners involved—greatly benefits the couple," Lee notes.
The understanding of romance evolves with the relationship's progression. Initially, small tokens of affection may suffice, but as two partners learn more about each other's emotional and physical needs and navigate life together, the gestures that signify romance may change. Lee explains that couples in caregiving roles, including parenting, often find their available time for each other reduced compared to their early dating days or honeymoon phase.
New York resident Gabrielle Gambrell, married seven years and mother to two children, views romance as an evolving process demanding effort. She shares a guiding principle received prior to marriage: continually engage in dating activities. "We maintain our connection by holding regular date nights, regardless of how busy life gets," she says. "Each evening out leaves us feeling rejuvenated, joyful, and reminded of what we hold dear."
Valentine's Day often carries weighty societal expectations influenced by media portrayals and unspoken personal desires, which can lead to undue pressure and disappointment. Open communication and planning are recommended to navigate these challenges. Lee stresses that expecting spontaneous romantic acts without guidance is unrealistic, as "partners are not mind readers." Gambrell concurs, emphasizing her proactive approach to discussing Valentine's plans weeks ahead to prevent assumptions and comparisons that could cause dissatisfaction.
Clarence Smith IV, a middle school teacher and video creator in Phoenix, adheres to traditional chivalric customs like distancing himself away from the street when walking with his girlfriend to express respect and care. He reflects that, although some may perceive such gestures as outdated, they hold significant emotional impact in contemporary dating dynamics. "These small, considerate actions have become rare, yet to me, they're fundamental," he states.
Experts also suggest that romantic rituals need not be confined to holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays. Observing seasonal changes or weekend traditions can be equally meaningful in blending partners’ lifestyles and routines. Lee often uses an analogy to illustrate this: offering a dozen roses as an apology is impactful, but presenting one rose over twelve consecutive days more effectively symbolizes consistency and commitment.
Gambrell identifies gift-giving as her preferred love language, finding sentimental value when her husband picks out small, thoughtful items such as lottery tickets or stationery, which signify his ongoing consideration. "It's about being thought of, knowing that my partner pauses to reflect on me," she explains.
Smith encourages individuals not to shy away from expressing love authentically, regardless of relationship duration or dating experience. "Embracing your unique way of loving is always worthwhile; ultimately, it's a win," he advises.